Life&Story: Stop Using the Word Retarded

Pin It I have a friend who has been complaining about people using this word and how offensive it is to her, I too find it offensive, and I saw this blog post shared on Facebook and wanted to share it here. It is written by Phoebe on her blog Herding Cats.

I think this is brilliant and should hopefully put the end to people mis-using the word retarded.

Please be considerate people and share the word.

Being Retarded  

by: Phoebe of Herding Cats blog

All around me, people use the word retarded without a second thought.  Sometimes, I’ll say “Um, dude, really?” and they’ll say “Oops, my bad!  But really!  I was being so retarded!”

Sometimes, I let it slide.  I realize that it’s a word that’s ingrained in our society’s vocabulary and people use it without a second thought to its meaning.

But what does it mean to be retarded?  Well, I know what it doesn’t mean.

It doesn’t mean not being able to choose something for lunch despite 100 choices in front of you.

It doesn’t mean not being able to find your car keys.

It doesn’t mean saying the wrong thing to a person.

It doesn’t mean forgetting your best friend’s birthday.

It’s not something to describe yourself as when you’ve spilled your coffee, or tripped on a crack in the sidewalk.

It’s not something to describe your computer, car or phone.

According to  Merriam-Webster Dictionary  the word “retarded” means -
: slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development or academic progress

For me, it’s not just any old word – it’s my daughter.  My beautiful, bright, happy, loving, amazing daughter who is slow or limited in intellectual development and academic progress.

In our household, being retarded means something different.

It means not being able to fully care for yourself.

It means not understanding what the doctor is going to do to you.

It means not being able to explain what hurts when something hurts.

It means not being able to ride a two wheeler.  Or read.  Or ever be able to live on your own.

But ever the optimist, I also know that retarded means…
…never realizing the negativity behind the word retarded.
…never knowing the insensitivity surrounded the word’s usage.
…never realizing the ignorance of people.
…never knowing how other people view you.

Being retarded also means…
…loving unconditionally.
…finding joy in the smallest of things.
…being self-confident.
…not realizing that there are limitations.
…innocence.


This is Maura.  Her diagnosis?  Cognitively disabled.  Which means retarded.  When you call yourself retarded, you’re also calling my child stupid.  Because you use the word as just that – another form of stupid.

Let’s get something straight here.

My daughter may have cognitive issues.  She may have delays.  She may never live on her own.  Scratch that.  She will never live on her own.

But Maura is not stupid.

In her own way, Maura is very smart.  Maybe smarter than us at times.  She has more self-confidence than anyone I know who’s called themselves “retarded”.  She is the best judge of a person’s character than anyone else I’ve ever known.

Yes, she is slow to learn things.  But she is not stupid.

I know that most people don’t use the word “retarded” maliciously.  Most people I know use it in a self-depreciating way.  And when I point it out, they go “Oh wow!  I’m sorry!” and they truly feel like a heel. But the thing is, you’re still using it in the way that people who do use it maliciously use it as – to describe stupidity.

So why not just use the word “stupid” instead?  Because I know what “retarded” is.  I live with it in the form of my daughter.  And in our world “retarded” doesn’t equate to “stupid”.

5 January 2012 – feel free to read this companion post, which helps explain more of the “behind the scenes” view of this post – thanks!

14 January 2012 – I’ve added a page all about Maura, for those who want to know more about her.

Travel Time:Service Dogs Disneyland or Disneyworld

I have been to Disneyland twice with Charlie the amazing seizure-alert service dog.  Both times have been brilliant experiences.  Disneyland has phenomenal customer service and employee training and I am thrilled to report that every interaction with a Disney employee was amazing.  I was never discriminated against because I had a service dog. I actually saw about 5 or 6 other service dogs in the park during the 4 days we were there.

What do I do when I get to Disneyland?
When going to Disneyland with a service animal it is very important to check in at Guest Services (at Disneyland I believe Guest Services is in California Adventure on the left hand side right when you enter the park).  The park likes to know you are there and gives you a special pass to assist with waiting in lines.  Disney doesn't want the dogs to have to wait in the lines so you get to enter through the handicap line to ride the rides. Brilliant.  This pass allows you and 5 other people access onto the ride.

Click on the following link for more info
Services for Disneyland Guests with Service Animals

What do you do with your service dog while riding the ride?
Well someone in your party has to stay with the dog while you ride the ride.  When you get back that person can then ride the ride. 

On some rides you can bring your service dog with you.  Charlie rode almost all children rides (Small World, Peter Pan, Wild Toad, Sleeping Beauty, etc) and he even was allowed on the Haunted Mansion and Pirates of the Caribbean.  So fun.  The service dog has to lay down at your feet while riding the ride.

Overall, Disneyland was a blast with my family. We rang in the New Year at Disney and just had an amazing time.

One of our trips to Disneyland was during the horrendously busy Christmas time. For Christmas my parents gave the whole family a trip to Disneyland! Charlie and I met my family at the Long Beach airport and were so excited to see all of them. Counting myself and nieces and nephews and in-laws I believe there was 16 of us total (2 were MIA as they couldn't get work off, my bro-in-law Aaron and my hubby Paul--sad for them). How do you get 16 people from the airport to the hotel if the hotel doesn't offer a shuttle from the airport and you don't need to or want to rent lots of cars? By traveling in a quadruple stretched hummer limo---that's how!

Charlie wasn't so sure about the Disney Characters.

Check out the other photos on my Picasa page!

http://picasaweb.google.com/leahstone17

Charlie Goes To NYC

Back in November, I was asked to come and teach some vocal workshops for a couple of churches in Richmond, VA, East End Church and Bon Air.  So I packed up Charlie's and my suitcase and flew to Washington DC.  I taught singing lessons in DC for a day and then headed down south to Richmond, taught my workshops, and then headed back to DC.  The next morning, Paul, Charlie and I took the Tripper Bus, an inexpensive and awesome way to get from DC to NYC, and 4 hours later found ourselves in the heart of Times Square.

It was a cold day in NYC and Charlie wasn't all too happy to be traipsing around the city in only his little green coat. If he could of had it his way he would have been wrapped in a down blanket and carried everywhere. After lugging our suitcases around for what seemed like a zillion blocks, we found our hotel, Yotel.  Have you heard of it?  It is some new hotel in NY that specializes in affordable luxury.  I thought it was perfect.  We paid $150 for the night and were on the corner of 42nd Street and 10th Ave and could see the Hudson from our window.  Plus the staff was fantastic, especially Michelle, about allowing a service dog to stay at the hotel, they were just in love with Charlie.  It is always so nice to go to a hotel that knows the ADA laws and I don't have to spend 10 minutes arguing with them about why Charlie can stay there.

Our room was tiny, but what NYC hotel room isn't when you are trying to stay on the cheap.  It was extremely clean.  The bed was pretty snazzy as it rolled up during the day like a couch and down at night all by the touch of a button.  Here is what our room looked like.

 
The hotel also offered complimentary kitchens on each floor with an awesome and FREE fancy schmancy coffee/hot chocolate machine whipping up a variety of splendid drinks. 

While in NY we went and saw Mary Poppins the musical, which was fun but I wish we had gone to see something a little more exciting like Rock of Ages.  But I think the highlight of our trip was 2 things.

1. we ran into some old friends from our old neighborhood in Utah. I mean we litterally ran into them. Had no idea they were in NYC and bumped into them in Times Square.  How funny.  Out of millions of people jammed into that small area, who would have thought we would see someone we know.

2. We went sailing.  We took the Schooner Adirondack and went for a sunset sail.  We sailed past Ellis Island, the Statue of Liberty and saw the Brooklyn Bridge. It was such a fun way to see the Statue of Liberty. The captain passed out wool blankets and served wine, beer, soda, and Champagne, and you could bring snacks, if you'd wanted to.  Charlie was freezing and wrapped up nice and warm in his blanket, but Paul and I had a magical time.  On the way back to the dock the sun had set and all the lights in NYC were twinkling and it was so magical. I highly recommend it. I think we paid like $60 a person for a 2 hour sail.

I Love Flying Southwest Airlines

 

Last week I went home to visit the fam in good ol' Salt Lake City, Utah, or as some refer to it, the promised land:) I really get nervous to fly with Charlie without Paul around because

1. It is more difficult.  Especially going to the bathroom. Dragging in a dog and luggage into any itty bitty toilet stall cause the handicapped ones are never available (frowny face to those that steal them) is never fun and I am pretty sure Charlie ends up getting his face smashed either against the toilet as we enter or the door as we exit.

2. People are rude to me when Paul isn't around.  I mean my husband is wickedly sexy and strong (ish) looking, but for some reason no one bugs me when he is around.  I think it is cause he has a shaved head.  Everyone must think he is some skin headed freak who will hurt at any bad comment my way. Works for me.

3. I usually have to argue with the ramp agent for the bulk head seat so I end up at the back of the plane which is a disaster (thank you United Airlines for sucking so bad. PS. I will never fly with you again cause you lack customer service and human skills)

4. I end up sitting next to weirdos that make me feel like I have leprosy instead of seizures.

This time was different.  First of all, they checked my bag for free so I didn't have to deal with that which made 1. Going to the bathroom, much easier. Additionally, Southwest ticket check-in woman called the ramp agent to let her know I was coming and so they saved me a seat in the very front of the plane (literally saved it with tape over the seat and a sign that read DO NOT OCCUPY) so that Charlie would have room on the floor in front of me.  And they gave me a blue pre-board ticket so I could get on the plane first. Fixing problem number 3.  And number 4 was just pure luck.  I sat next to a charming man named Jesse who found Charlie to be amazing and he didn't spill coffee on me or reek of cigarettes like the guy I sat next to the last time I flew.  Plus Jesse is related to the talented blogger Nie Nie who I read regularly and you should too.

I highly recommend flying Southwest if you travel with a service dog.  I mean 5 stars, two-thumbs up, get it while it is hot kind of review.

Thanks Southwest for being one of the only airlines with customer service.

Below I have posted some additional stories about me flying with Charlie.

A airport service dog potty station inside the Dulles Airport
Flying in general
United Airlines denied me pre-boarding...argh
Didn't happen to me, but crazy dog out of cage on plane...yikes

Denied Pre-Board by United Airlines

Last Sunday, February 13, I was flying from LAX to Dulles on United Airlines.  Because I travel with a service dog I have to check in at the ticket counter to show identification of the dog.  While waiting in line, the next available ticket lady took one look at me with my dog Charlie and said "Ma'am who is standing behind you?" I had no idea who they were, but she said "I will help you next" speaking to the people behind me.  Obviously she wasn't interested in helping me. I was standing in line, but for some reason I was bypassed.  I am not sure what her reason was.

When I was at the gate to board the plane the same woman was serving as the ramp agent.  My boarding ticket said boarding group 4, but in all my years of traveling with Charlie I have been allowed to pre-board.  Actually, most airlines inform when I check-in that I can pre-board so that I have more time to get adjusted in my seat and not feel rushed down the aisle.  When the ramp agent said that they were boarding first class passengers and those with special needs I got in line.  When I got up to the front and asked if she has asked for special needs passengers she took one look at me and said "You aren't in a wheelchair" and made me stand off to the side. I kindly asked her if I could please preboard because travelling with a service dog is a bit stressful and I take longer to get down the aisle and she just waved me off and said she would preboard in a minute.  I am pretty sure that when they say passengers with special needs that is the call for preboard and I am also fairly confident that I fall under that category.

She continued to call up boarding groups 1 and 2.  I stood where she told me to stand feeling like a fool off to the side as an example of the disabled girl who didn't understand directions. It was humiliating.  I kept asking her if I could board and she kept waiving me off. Finally, another ramp agent walked passed me and I kindly asked if this flight would be preboarding. She informed me that preboarding has already taken place. I asked her if I could preboard eventhough my ticket said boarding group 4 and she said of course.  So I headed down the ramp. 

By the time I got on the plane it will very packed.  Some passengers boarding accidentally stepped on Charlie, which could have been avoided if I was allowed to board early.  As I was boarding the plane I was greated by a flight attendent.  I explained to her that I was unhappy with the ramp agent and told her what had happened, and instead of her being helpful or apologetic she gave me a fake plastic smile and said "oh no compassion?" I felt so stupid and frustrated. As I navigated my way to my seat I held up the line of other passengers for quite a while while I walked down the aisle, put my luggage away, and got my service dog situated.  By the time I was sitting down I was in tears. 

Thanks United for discriminating against a person with a disability and singling them out in front of a group of people.  It really helped me feel more like a freak than I already feel most of the time.  I don't know why this woman choose to single me out that day and make my life more difficult, but it was truly unfortunate.  Maybe she doesn't have to let me preboard, but I wasn't asking for much and I obviously needed assistance. My ticket was even marked as needing assistance.

I guess my advice to those traveling with a disability is to choose a different airline. I have had great customer service with Delta and Jet Blue. 

Here are a couple of interesting articles about how United Airlines has been accused of discriminating against those with disabilities.  Has anyone else had a problem? Please share.


http://consumerist.com/2010/04/united-flight-attendant-refuses-to-help-disabled-woman-with-bags.html


http://www.examiner.com/airline-industry-in-national/united-hit-with-another-viral-social-media-complaint-but-responds-quickly

Employee Disability Discrimination and United had to pay out $600,000

Here is a story about US Airlines telling a man he could not fly due to his disability