"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
Christopher Robin to Pooh
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I never understood the true meaning of a best girl friend, the one you
could call at any hour of the night or sob uncontrollably in front of
and still know that she will love you even more the next day, until I
needed one to help save my life. I kind of figured that kind of
friendship only existed in the movies and in novels. When I started
having seizures 4 years ago at the age of 24, I realized what true
friendship means. I recognized it in my husband, in my dear friend
Tracy and her husband Jesse, and my
adorable puppy Charlie.
I finally understood that a true friend is the one who accepts you for
who you are, flaws and all, and tries with every piece of his/her soul
to make sure you know how special you are.
When my seizures
started I remember feeling very scared and alone and afraid that
something was incredibly wrong with me. I believed I was crazy. In a
month and a half I went from never having a seizure in my life to having
over 70 seizures. Talk about some serious exercise, fear, and anxiety.
The
depression that followed the seizures was all encompassing. Life
didn’t seem worth living, colors seemed dull, and experiences seemed
pointless. If it wasn’t for Tracy, Jesse, and Paul dragging me out of
the house day after day after day and standing up for me at places of
business that although Charlie may be small (15 lb min pin) he is most
definitely a service dog, I don’t know if I could have made it out of
that dark and sad hole. We still kept on living even though I might have
a seizure at a public place. They helped me find an organization,
At Your Service Dogzz, that helps people with disabilities train their dog to be a service dog. They helped me out when I did have seizures in public places and helped me to feel safe and not embarrassed.
Charlie even became a certified seizure-alert dog and now gives me a 5-10 minute warning before a seizure. Amazing.
The first time I had a seizure was in the middle of the night. Paul, my
husband, and I were sleeping and I guess I just started seizing. It was
a terrifying experience for Paul. He said that Charlie was running
circles around me like crazy and wouldn’t leave my side. When I became
aware of what had happened I remember crying and thinking something was
wrong with me. After that I saw a lot of doctors and had a lot of tests
done. MRI, CT, blood work, you name it.
After lots of testing the
doctors could not pin point that I had epilepsy. Still to this day I
don't know if I do. I like to believe that I do not, but maybe I will
never know. Apparently it is very hard to diagnose seizures unless one
is having a seizure while hooked up to an EEG machine. My doctor
believes that my seizures may have been simple partial seizures, which
come from a localized part in the brain, or maybe they are of the
non-epileptic strand such as being caused by blood sugar issues like
hypoglycemia or an imbalance of electrolytes. I didn’t respond well to
the meds, Topomax, other than the fact that I was a zombie and lost
about 20 lbs and looked like Skeletor.
This is what I do know
- I tend to have seizures if I have gone a long time without eating and then I eat a meal with highly complex carbohydrates.
- I have problems if I haven't had enough water and exercise in extremely hot weather.
- My heart races about a million beats right before I seize.
- Certain smells trigger the seizures.
If I could offer up any advice for those watching a loved one go through depression or a severe health trauma I would recommend:
- Don’t
ask them how they are feeling every day, it is exhausting and not fun
to rehash the feelings of fear, inadequacies, etc. Keep conversations
light-hearted and fun. Laughter is the best medicine.
- Make dates
and keep them. It is so good for the person who is sick to have
something fun to look forward to. Make sure you go and pick them up or
else they wont leave the house and meet you.
- Help them find
something new and exciting to do. Paul and I joined a painting class. It
was incredibly therapeutic and something I looked forward to every
week.
- Make sure they have someone to talk to such as a therapist. That is crucial in my opinion.
- Just listen and don’t give advice unless asked for.
It
has taken me a long time to get to where I am now. I don't feel defined
by my seizures; it is just a small little part of me. I owe my friends
so much. Thank you for making me laugh a lot and forcing me to see my
beauty and my potential and my blessings. I love you.
Cheers to good friends
Please share with Charlie and me a story of how a good friend changed your life.
Charlie is sporting a 50's style sweater for the wedding festivities. He was also given a flower since he was a part of the wedding family. By the end of the night the sweater bottom was almost dragging on the grass cause he had peed on it a couple of times. I am going to have to figure out how to fix that.
